Not Your Fault
by summerreader13
Summary: Set after Red Faced (1x06). Alex has more trouble after killing Dr. Morrow than she let on. Will she let someone in or will the guilt destroy her? Lots of Kara/Alex sister fluff. Maybe some Hank/J'onn thrown in. Two-shot.
**Hi all! So, I have recently discovered the perfection that is the TV show Supergirl and have become a little (lot) obsessed with it. Even though I have absolutely no time to write fanfiction right now, this idea has been stuck in my head for like 2 weeks and I just have to get it out.**

 **After watching Red Faced, I couldn't shake the thought that Alex was a lot more bothered by having to kill Dr. Morrow then she let on. I know that she's been working for the DEO for two years, but I kinda got the first-kill feel from that scene and really wanted to explore that idea.**

 **Obviously, spoilers for 4x06 and possibly any episodes before that point. There might also be some spoilers in regards to stuff we see in flashbacks (I think I'm thinking of 4x17 in particular), so be aware. I also might take some creative liberty just because I haven't gotten through all of Supergirl yet; so, if some things don't add up with the show, that would be why.**

 **Some of the dialogue I use at the beginning is borrowed from the episode, and the characters, of course, are the property of the wonderful Supergirl writers and CBS. Everything else is mine. Thoughts are in italics.**

 **Enjoy!**

* * *

Bang!

Her ears ringing, Alex watched in shock as Dr. Morrow slumped to the floor, gaping hole in his chest from where she had shot him. Alex quickly dropped to the floor, pressing her trembling fingers into his neck, though she already knew the answer. Time seemed to stop as Alex fell to the floor next to the body, acutely aware of the sound of her heart pounding. There was an awful gasping noise, and she couldn't tell if it was coming from Kara or her. Alex was faintly aware of Kara's voice in her ear, telling her that she had stopped the Red Tornado. She noted that her sister sounded exhausted, but proud. _If only she knew_ , Alex thought darkly, knowing that her caring sister would be heartbroken to know that a life had been lost. Alex shook her head angrily. A life had been taken, not lost.

"It's still going!" Kara's panicked voice came over her earpiece, bringing Alex back to action. She sprang up from her spot on the floor and rushed to the abandoned computers just as Hank spoke.

"Agent Danvers?" Hank urged. Alex felt her stomach drop as she made sense of what was on the computer screen.

"No commands are being transmitted to the android. Kara, it's become sentient…" She muttered in disbelief, still breathless from the fight. Her heart clenched in fear as she realized that Kara would have to fight the Red Tornado all on her own. Alex berated herself for failing her little sister, yet again. Kara had been counting on her, and she had let her down, in more ways than one. Her eyes found the body once more. A pool of blood had begun to form around it; Alex was so transfixed, she barely heard the grunts and yells come through her earpiece. _I killed a man._ Alex's breath caught in her throat as she stared into the lifeless eyes of Dr. Morrow. She wondered if he had a spouse, or children, and tears sprung to her eyes at the thought of her own fatherless childhood. _Oh, God. What have I done?_

"Supergirl, are you okay?" Alex jumped when Hank's voice entered her ear, suddenly remembering that there was a fight going on. _Pull yourself together, Alex_. _Kara needs you_.

Alex winced at the sounds of Kara's harsh gasps. "I'm… I'm here. I… I'm okay." She didn't sound okay, an unusual rasp present in her voice that made Alex wonder just how much of a fight she had missed. "It's over." Alex let out a sigh of relief that she hadn't even been aware she was holding.

"Agent Danvers? Are you still at the warehouse with Morrow?" Yet again, her eyes slid over to the motionless body as she gave an affirmative response to her boss. "Good. I'll send over a team to take him in."

"That… won't be necessary, sir." Alex replied quietly, guilt flooding her system.

"Agent Danvers?" Hank questioned.

"Morrow is dead." Alex was surprised that she managed to keep her voice steady and emotionless, considering she was feeling everything but at the moment. She heard a small gasp and she knew it came from Kara. Alex didn't think it was possible for her to feel more guilty. She was wrong.

"Alex…" Kara started to speak but Alex promptly interrupted her.

"I'll wait here for the cleaners to arrive, Sir. Supergirl, you should go home." Alex said curtly. She had a pretty good idea what Kara was going to say and, even though she deserved it, she did not want to hear it.

"But…"

"Agent Danvers is right, Supergirl. You did well today. Go home and rest. We'll all reconvene in the morning." Hank ordered, leaving no room for discussion. Alex let out a sigh of relief when she heard Kara huff and disconnect her headset. Her relief was short-lived. "Danvers, I assume you know the protocol for fatalities?"

Alex closed her eyes. Her day just got a lot longer.

* * *

Alex didn't know what she had been thinking. Well, okay, that wasn't entirely true; she had been thinking that she wanted to get totally, off her ass, blackout drunk. What she didn't know was why she actually stopped at the liquor store on the way home to pick up a bottle of Jack Daniels. Though Alex had had these thoughts before, after particularly difficult days at work, she was sure to never act on them. Ever since her days of partying in college, she had stayed far away from alcohol, with the exception of a glass or two of wine on occasion. And yet, here she was, sitting on the floor of her apartment, shot glass in hand. She promised herself that she would only drink until she was no longer plagued by the image of a lifeless Dr. Morrow, but 13 (or was it 15?) shots later and the image was still clear as day.

The shrill sound of her cell phone ringing from where she had deposited it on the kitchen counter startled her, leading Alex to knock over the open bottle of alcohol and spill it's contents all over the floor. "Fuck!" Alex exclaimed, jumping to her feet and nearly losing her balance when the room spun dangerously. Her phone continued to ring as she haphazardly crossed the room to grab paper towels. She returned to her spot and began to clean the mess, breathing out a sigh of relief when her phone fell silent. Within a minute, the phone sounded again, causing her to flinch and knock over the bottle once more. "Oh, come on!" Alcohol forgotten, Alex moved towards her phone, stumbling and nearly falling over some chairs in the process. "Who put those there?!" Alex muttered, picking up her phone just as the call went to voicemail for the second time. Her face quickly dropped when she saw who had been calling her. "Oh, shi—"

Bang! Bang! Bang!

"Alex!" Kara's concerned voice echoed down the hall of the small apartment complex. Alex closed her eyes and desperately wished her little sister away. "Alex, I know you're there! I can see you, holding your phone and trying to ignore me!" If Alex wasn't having such a hard time forming a coherent thought, she would probably be worried about exposure, but instead she just sighed and moved towards the door in defeat. She stopped in front of the door and braced herself. _Act normal, Alex._

"Little sister! What are you doing here?!" Little sister? _Little sister?!_ Alex fought the urge to face palm. _So much for normal._

Kara looked at her in utter confusion. "I called your phone. Twice. And you didn't pick up. You never miss two phone calls from me. I was worried, so I ran over. Are you alright?"

"Yep! All good here!" Alex said quickly.

There was a pause as a weird look passed over Kara's face. "You smell terrible." She noted, crinkling her nose in disgust.

Alex's eyes widened in alarm. "Uh, shower! I was about to shower, which I should go do now because, like you said, I stink. Thanks for coming by!" Alex attempted to close the door but Kara pushed it back open.

"Alex…"

 _Oh no._

"Have you been drinking?" Kara asked incredulously. Alex merely groaned in response. She abandoned her spot in the doorway and quickly grabbed the bottle of Jack Daniels before depositing herself on the couch. "Alex?!" Kara followed her sister, her eyes widening in concern when she saw the state of the apartment.

"I really don't need your lecture right now, Kara. Just go home." She took a swig straight from the bottle.

Kara ignored her sister, gently sitting next to her on the couch. She softened her voice. "Alex, what's going on?" Kara chose to continue when the only answer she received was another, longer swig. "You were totally avoiding me at the DEO. And then you missed our movie night, so I called to make sure everything was okay. When you didn't pick up, I thought something was seriously wrong, but you're just sitting here getting drunk? Did I do something to make you upset?"

Alex felt guilt flood her system. With all the events of the day, she had completely forgotten about the movie night they had planned a couple days ago. She knew how important those were for Kara, to help her de-stress and feel normal for a little while. Hell, they were important to Alex too. "No, of course not Kara. I'm so sorry, I completely forgot." She covered her face with her hands in guilt.

"Alex, I don't care about the movie night. Just tell me what going on. I haven't seen you drink like this since college and it's honestly freaking me out a little." Alex winced at the mention of her college years. She had been devastated by the death of her father at 16 and coped through the act of teenage rebellion. She knew it had been especially difficult on Kara, who had never seen her responsible, caring older sister act so indifferent and reckless. Kara and Alex's mother had tried to help her, but she pushed them away, wanting nothing more than to throw her life away. If Hank hadn't of offered her a spot at the DEO, she probably would have succeeded. She had made a promise to herself then, and to Kara, to never fall into those bad habits ever again. A promise she had managed to keep for almost 10 years. Almost.

Suddenly, Alex felt sick. With speed and coordination that she didn't think was possible in her current state, Alex jumped off the couch and rushed into the bathroom, making it to the toilet just in time. Kara entered a minute later, crouching next to her and gently rubbing her back until the heaving stopped. "Okay, let's get you into bed." Kara conceded that she wouldn't be getting any answers tonight and she gently led Alex into the bedroom. As her sister changed, Kara went back into the kitchen and returned a minute later holding a glass of water and a trash can. She placed them next to the bed, and then leaned down to tuck in her sister, much like a mother would do for a child. "Get some rest."

"Are you going to stay?" Alex slurred quietly, fighting to keep her eyes open.

"Of course. I'm just going to clean up a bit and then I'll be right in, okay?" Kara kissed her sister's forehead lightly, before turning and walking towards the doorway.

"You don't hate me?" If it wasn't for Kryptonian hearing, Kara was unsure if she would have heard her sister's whispered question. She turned and frowned in confusion.

"Why would I hate you, Alex?" Kara asked, but her sister was already fast asleep

* * *

 **A/N: This did not go in the direction that I thought it would, but I think I'm okay with it. As always, please review and let me know your thoughts. I'm thinking this will be a two-shot, and I might throw in some Hank/Alex bonding if that's a thing you want to see. Thanks for reading!**


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